Happy Birthday.

It's my Nanny's birthday today. I love that her birthday is on Halloween, its so funny to me. Well, hope you all have a great day and Nanny, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Chris

My Halloween Mask.

I am a little pathetic at times. Ok, a lot of the time. I am a little afraid of everything, wear a mask to look like I am super confident. At the same time I am a little scared that people will see through my thin mask and realize that I am really just faking my way through life most of the time. Fake it till ya make it, right?

I would love to do adventure races, but since I hurt my knee a couple years ago on a frozen lake in Minnesota I am a little scared of the pain in my left leg.

I would love to be a "real" musician and have people hear the music that I write, but I am a little scared that people will find it to be total crap.

I would love to preach more, but I am a little scared that I will run out of stuff to say and that the stuff I do say will be uninspiring. And who wants that?

Why is it this way? Why am I full of doubt about myself these days? I work with a lot of 18 and 19 year olds and their self confidence oozes everywhere. When I was 18 I was so full of confidence in myself that I bordered on being an arrogant bastard. But today I just wear a thin, cracking mask of confidence to shield the fact that I feel utterly clueless.

In the States I would get upset at times when we would work a conference and there were special youth ministers that were treated as VIP's because they had a large youth group. I started thinking how we have become so arrogant in ministry that we have lost touch with the humble servant that we are to be serving. It had become about clothes and lights, stage presence and how much merch we moved. Of course Jesus was the reason we were doing what we were doing, but was it the main reason or did we want to be featured in a magazine or asked to perform with bigger christian celebrities?

I think the "biz" got to me and I wanted nothing more than to run away from that life. However, in my running I think that I ran so far past the world of humble confidence and into a world of self-hatred and insecurity. Brennan Manning writes in Ruthless Trust, "Humble men and women do not have a low opinion of themselves; they have no opinion of themselves.". In my insecurity, I am just as focused on myself that if I wanted everyone one to see how great I was.

I want to be a man that does great things for God and if the things I do aren't great, well at least I gave it a hell of a try. I no longer want to be a scared little boy crying at day care watching his mother drive away. I want to do my best all the time and if people don't like it, oh well, it's not for them anyway. I want to run the race, write the song, and inspire the masses. I want to get off my lazy butt and make the most of this life that I am faking my way through right now. Most of all I want to take this mask off because it's not me and I want to reintroduce myself to me again. We used to great friends. Live your life the best you can and stop wasting time being scared, even if it's just a little. Cheers.

Chris

Guinness the Warrior.

Guinness is huge. She has put on a lot of weight since getting "fixed". Besides being huge, she is intimidating to people that she wants to scare. However, there is one thing that scared Guinness, a small child. There were these kids hanging out by our house today and Guinness was freaked out. She is used to adults, but talking, walking little people is too much for her. A second little thing about G is that she ate our little garden, the little one that blogged about a few weeks ago. Even the tree, how does a dog eat a small palm tree? I don't know either, but she did. Oh well, we still love her. Cheers.

Chris

Good Night Shane.

On Thursday nights we do a show called Truth or Dare. It's a show about a couple of skater boys and some cheerleaders and the the decisions they make. I play the main guy, Shane, and Ray plays the head cheerleader, Kirstin. Well Thursday night was my last performance of Truth or Dare and it was sad to say adios (however, not many people say that around here). It was also probably the end of my dancing career. There is a scene where Shane (me) has to prove to Kirstin (Ray) that he has "moves", so we do a little hip hop dance battle. It always goes well and ends with a little break dance solo at the end. Well, I proved for the last time that I have "skillz". Good night Shane, it was a great year.

Chris

Good Night Shane.

On Thursday nights we do a show called Truth or Dare. It's a show about a couple of skater boys and some cheerleaders and the the decisions they make. I play the main guy, Shane, and Ray plays the head cheerleader, Kirstin. Well Thursday night was my last performance of Truth or Dare and it was sad to say adios (however, not many people say that around here). It was also probably the end of my dancing career. There is a scene where Shane (me) has to prove to Kirstin (Ray) that he has "moves", so we do a little hip hop dance battle. It always goes well and ends with a little break dance solo at the end. Well, I proved for the last time that I have "skillz". Good night Shane, it was a great year.

Chris

Good Night Shane.

On Thursday nights we do a show called Truth or Dare. It's a show about a couple of skater boys and some cheerleaders and the the decisions they make. I play the main guy, Shane, and Ray plays the head cheerleader, Kirstin. Well Thursday night was my last performance of Truth or Dare and it was sad to say adios (however, not many people say that around here). It was also probably the end of my dancing career. There is a scene where Shane (me) has to prove to Kirstin (Ray) that he has "moves", so we do a little hip hop dance battle. It always goes well and ends with a little break dance solo at the end. Well, I proved for the last time that I have "skillz". Good night Shane, it was a great year.

Chris

Good Night Shane.

On Thursday nights we do a show called Truth or Dare. It's a show about a couple of skater boys and some cheerleaders and the the decisions they make. I play the main guy, Shane, and Ray plays the head cheerleader, Kirstin. Well Thursday night was my last performance of Truth or Dare and it was sad to say adios (however, not many people say that around here). It was also probably the end of my dancing career. There is a scene where Shane (me) has to prove to Kirstin (Ray) that he has "moves", so we do a little hip hop dance battle. It always goes well and ends with a little break dance solo at the end. Well, I proved for the last time that I have "skillz". Good night Shane, it was a great year.

Chris

Coming to a Close.

This is our last week of tour, we are in Ficksburg, a small town on the Northwest Lesotho border. We have had an amazing year on tour so far this year and have met some great people. I really think that the shows reached many people and I believe that we had an impact on all that came to our shows. We will be home on Saturday, then we have meetings next week before leaving the following Saturday for London. Please pray for Rachel and I for energy, its been a long tiring year already and with the Europe tour ahead we need a lot of pray to not get burned out. Thanks.

Chris

Op Die Berg.

We left beautiful Cape Town this past Sunday morning and drove 2 hours inland and then took a left drove and hour towards the border of Nowhere. We are in a farming community this week called Op Die Berg (On the Mountain), There is a church, a farming store and a small grocery store. Thats it. However the farmers in the community are paying for the kids of their workers to come to the shows this week. They are busing them in from all around and last night there were about 400-500 people crammed in this little church hall. It's so much fun, we have chairs in the back for the adults and the students sit on the floor and the floor is packed with people. This is probably the first time any of these kids have seen a show with live music, lights and dancers. You can see the excitement on their faces. Its a beautiful area with great people. I hope the rest of the week goes well.

Chris

In Cape Town.

We made the long trek to Cape Town and its such a beautiful city. We have a "sport afternoon" every week so we got to go to the beach the Monday afternoon. The water was so so so cold, but it was still fun. The show on Sunday night went really well and we are preparing now for tonight's show, Homecoming. The band is set up and sound checked, all the props are ready, we are just about to have Focus, where we prepare mentally for the show, and then we wait for the show to start. I think the show will go well tonight. Hope your evening goes well. Cheers.

Chris

Its Been a Long Time.

When I was in college, especially my first two years at Florida Christian College, I would get horrible heart burn. I had it when I moved to Tennessee in '99 and then it just went away. I get a little bit from time to time, but nothing like it used to be. Well, tonight I made myself an egg sandwich and POW it hit me like a stacks machine. I could barely stand up. So I crawled in the Corolla and headed down to the store and got some antacids. It was so horrible. I noticed that the worse the heartburn is the more you talk to yourself. The whole drive I was trying to burp and kept muttering stuff under my breath. Perhaps its just me, but I have noticed a similar behavior in a friend of mine. Well, that was my evening so far, just waiting for 1:30 so we can leave for Cape Town. Enjoy your evening. Cheers.

Chris

Church.

We had our Thursday church again at Flap's house. It was nice. There were a few less people this week than last week, however many of the people were new, so thats nice. I met a man named Paul. He is 37 and is tough as nails. He does off road Triathlons and all this crazy adventure stuff. We had a great time talking and hanging out. A friend of mine, MX, was there also. He is a youth pastor at a huge church here in Pretoria. It was nice to talk to him because his band practices on Thursday nights so we thought he would never get a chance to come and have church with us. So we all hung out and had wine for a while and then Flaps gave a message about Jesus. It was so nice. Rachel and I left after the message and didn't hang out any more because we leave for tour Saturday morning at 0130. So we are taking advantage of being home. Right now I am in the chair in our bedroom and Rachel is sleeping in the bed with Guinness next to her. Shortly I will kick Guinness out and take my spot back. Enjoy your evening. Cheers.

Chris

Europe Update.

Please pray for our theater in London. The Stratford Circus Theater denied our second application to perform on their stage. They don't allow religious groups to perform there. There are people there that are looking for us a new venue. Its sad because this was a great theater, but something will work out. As soon as I have a schedule I will let you all know. Cheers.

Chris